Dream

It's nothing but a dream.

A dream that i made 2 years ago and i continued it few days ago.

Maybe I'm too over-estimate my intrinsic value, myself, my power of attraction.

I'm just nothing more than an ordinary guy.I should have realize that long time ago.

How dare i put myself at such a high place?!I have high fobia!I shouldn't have done that.

But the time i realized, I was already being hurt badly, terriblly.

By who? No one, but myself.

I was the one that put myself at such a high place that time, and now i drop;

I only can blame myself.

One time, two times, three times. . .

Should i continue my dream and hoping someday it will be true?

The 1st time i woke up from it, it was 2 years ago.

2nd time was 1 year ago.

Maybe i never really wake up from it.

2 years ago was like that, 1 year ago was also like that.

2 months ago remained the same, and now also the same.

I can remember every details since 2 years ago until now.

Oh my God!

I think i should have stop thinking everything but just concern on my study.

Degree is the prior for now.

Degree is everything for me now, and my career is the most important besides my family.

I should have wake up.

But can i? Can i wake up from a 2 years dream?

I don't know.

God, bless me. Tell me what should i do, please.

04.02.2009

Well, my first blog at this site is the day after 2009's April Fool.

Kinda funny.

Today, is not really a special day.However, i really tired throughout the day.

The moment i woke up this morning, i could feel the pain on my back neck.

Does it symbolizes the bad things that are coming for today?

Well, today has over.Not really a bad day, at least i studied according to my plan.

The day moved smoothly throughout the whole day until the dark.

My mood was like so good before the day went into dark, since i had my dinner at Manhanttan Fish Market for the day.

However, everything changed when i reached home.

At least my mood changed.

Something happend. And it really spoilt my mood.

Anger, sadness, unhappyness..

Everything came into my mind, my heart.

I even started to breathe hard, and i could felt that there was a big stone in my heart.

I don't know what is happening to me.

I don't know is it true or what.

It's a matter of 2 years ago.

Does it come back to me now?

I'm not sure.

The thing ended up with an offline.

And my moodyness gone with that offline as well.

i thought my night will be fine after that.But i was wrong.

Maybe i was just to be over-sensitive la.

After the chatting and sms, i spent my time with my anime.

Suddenly, i realized something again!

That something really really makes me feel so sad.

This is not the 1st time, and i did the same mistake again.

I don't understand who am I.

Sorrow is filling up my heart.

Anger is burning my heart.

I don't know why.

Maybe i think i'm not love-worthy since i dont even love myself.

But, i'm so damn selfish! How can i say that i dont love myself!

I really confuse.Now i need someone to talk, but i can't tell anyone.

I won't give and tell everything to anyone.

I can't trust anyone, except for certain people.

Certain people that earned my trust.

And i just called to one of that certain people, but she don't concern on what happened on me.

Never mind la.I'm not love-worthy and i knew it since primary school.

At least i know i still have a good family, a lovely parents, a caring parents.

I should feel grateful for that.

I'm greedy anyway.I hope for something from someone i desired for.

12.08.

Tomorrow, maybe a better day? Or maybe worse than today. Who knows?

Life sucks anyway.By my History lecturer.

Fei po, i miss you. I don't know you will care about me or not.

But you yourself also have plenty of problems already la.

I know there is someone that always care about me.

But, i really don't know how to respond to your caring.

However, thanks to your caring. 

Good luck for me, my tomorrow finance test.

And wish tomorrow fei po will have a better day.